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You stand behind the counter of the artifact shop, next to the register. Shelves filled with dozens of magical trinkets and knick knacks lie before you, each one promising amusement or mystery. You ignore all of them. The ordinary clock on the far wall is what you're interested in.
Tick, tock. Tick, tock.
Seconds pass, as they often do. Then, minutes.
[[A bell rings, signaling a new customer.|tedium_1a]]"TWENTY SEVEN!" you shout.
"Aw, shit!"
You watch as the newly-arrived customer drops the box they were carrying. Dozens of rubber balls fly out from the top, bouncing and rolling all over the shop.
The customer glares at you. "The hell're you yellin' for? Suppose I tripped on all these bouncy balls? I could'a died!"
They make no attempt to pick up their stuff. They look at you, clearly wanting an apology. They probably even expect you to offer to help.
[[You apologize and offer to help.|tedium_1b]]
[[You do your best to ignore it.|tedium_1b]]
You don't want to apologize or help without getting paid for it. So, you don't.
You point at the clock. "It was twenty-seven. That's how many minutes were between you and the last customer."
"What?"
"Twenty-seven minutes. Almost half an hour."
"What's that got to do with anythin'?"
They wave their arms, indicating the still-rolling bouncy balls. "Look what you made me do!"
[[You look.|tedium_1c]] As you look, you see that the fallen box doesn't have a lid.
"I made you not put a lid on your box filled with bouncy balls?"
They stomp their foot. "No, damnit! You made me drop 'em!"
"I did?"
"Sure as hell did!"
"TWENTY SEVEN!" you shout again.
Nothing happens. The customer just looks at you.
"Why didn't it work that time?"
The customer blushes, visibly flustered. They start picking up the bouncy balls. A muttered curse escapes them every so often.
[[You resume staring at the clock.|tedium_1d]]The customer steps up to the counter and put the box on it. "The name's Pinion. Gentleman connoisseur of rare curiosities."
"Three." you say.
Pinion looks at the clock. "It didn't take me three whole minutes to pick up these things. Clock says one."
You shake your head. "Three's how much I'll pay for these. Three mewbles."
"You're outta your danged mind! Do you know what these are?"
You pick one up. Sure enough, it's a rubber bouncy ball, the kind you can get in every gatcha machine on Owel. It has a swirly tie-dye pattern that glitters when the light catches it.
Pinion grins. "See you noticed it. That sparklin's real pixie dust, that is."
Pixie dust? That's rare stuff. Expensive, too.
[[You look closer.|tedium_1e]]It's not pixie dust. It's normal glitter.
You put the ball back in its box. Pinion looks quite smug.
"I'm thinkin' five. Each."
You're not sure if he's trying to scam you, or if he actually believes he has something valuable.
[[You must think I'm new.|tedium_scam]]
[[You know these aren't magic, right?|tedium_believe]]You're tired of such obvious scams.
"You must think I'm new. They're just rubber balls."
He looks taken aback. "You wanna say that again? Must not have heard you."
"I said you're trying to sell me a dozen 10-cent rubber balls for five mewbles each."
He leans over the counter. "You sayin' I'm a liar?"
"Yes."
"That offends me. I think I'm raising the price to a hundred for the lot."
You scratch your chin and do your best to look contemplative.
[[After a few seconds, you agree.|tedium_agree]]You decide to give him the benefit of the doubt.
"That was just glitter. Regular glitter."
He looks taken aback. "Pardon me?"
You push the box back toward him. "I don't know where you got these, but whoever sold them to you ripped you off. I'd go get my money back if I were you."
"How do you know it ain't pixie dust?"
You point to your nametag. Normally you work in the back and never have to wear it, but since you're the only employee here at the moment, the boss insisted.
"Sam. Magic Grader. And I grade this a zero. Completely non-magical."
He stares at you for a moment. He laughs. "Well, shit. Guess we gotta do this the difficult way."
[[Difficult way?|tedium_difficult]]You hold your hands up in a gesture of defeat. "You win. Just don't hurt me."
"You're smart. Was afraid I'd have to convince you."
You step over to the cash register and hit a few keys. It opens up, revealing nothing save for a hundred-mewble bill. How convenient.
Pinion looks in and sees it. "Looks like today's my lucky day, ain't it? Like it was waitin' for me."
You step back away from the cash register. You watch as he takes the money and his box and runs out the door.
You're left alone with your thoughts.
[[You snicker.|tedium_snicker]]"Ok."
He looks confused. "Ok?"
You nod. "They're yours. You can sell them for however much you want. I'm not buying them at any price, though."
He slams his fist on the counter. The whole shop shakes, and a few trinkets fall off their wall pegs. "You're gonna buy them at a hundred bucks. You do that, and I'm outta your hair."
"I don't have hair."
"I don't give a damn! Either you pay up now, or..."
Ah, a robbery. This is the sixth or seventh time someone's attempted to rob the store since the owner changed its name.
You roll your eyes. "Or what?"
"You don't wanna know."
[[Wow. Not cliche at all. Better give up.|tedium_2a]]"I want a hundred mewbles for the lot. Non-negotiable."
You resist the urge to laugh. "I'm not paying anything for any of them."
He leans over the counter. "You're gonna buy them at a hundred bucks. You do that, and I'm outta your hair."
"I don't have hair."
He slams his fist on the counter. The whole shop shakes, and a few trinkets fall off their wall pegs. "I don't give a damn! Either you pay up now, or..."
Ah, a robbery. This is the sixth or seventh time someone's attempted to rob the store since the owner changed its name.
You roll your eyes. "Or what?"
"You don't wanna know."
[[Wow. Not cliche at all. Better give up.|tedium_2a]]You think back to when Toyle introduced you to the boss's Funny Money.
"Take a mewble," he said. "No one'll know."
"Toyle," you said. "There's literally only one mewble in there."
He gestures to the mewble, as if to make it more enticing. "Come on."
"You can't get more noticeable than taking 100% of the money."
"Come on!"
You suspected it was a prank, but took the mewble anyway.
[[Then you forgot about it.|tedium_dollar]]
The next morning, one of your stovetop burners exploded.
Then one of your chairs broke when you sat down on it.
Then you tripped and fell down the flight of stairs outside your house.
Then you were almost trampled to death by renegade Cagroos.
When you finally made it into work, you were an hour late.
Toyle stood there next to the register, looking more smug than should ever be possible.
"A mewble buys a lot, huh?"
"What?"
"The mewble you stole. All it buys is excitement."
[[What fun.|tedium_reminisce]]You wonder how much excitement a hundred mewbles will buy. Just one almost killed you.
[[A bell rings, signaling a new customer.|tedium_kid]]"TWO!" you shout.
The new customer, a goat of some kind, isn't startled. They're carrying a small bag. They put it on the counter in front of you.
"I'm Neon."
"I'm Sam."
"Sam. Can you give me a price on these?"
You make no move to open the bag. "They're not rubber balls, are they?"
Neon tilts her head. "Rubber balls?"
"I just bought a hundred mewbles worth. I can't afford to buy any more."
"Ah. How many does a hundred mewbles get you?"
"None."
"Oh."
She stands there, glancing between you and the bag. Waiting for you to appraise the items within.
[[Appraise|tedium_appraise]]You open the bag and dump the contents out on the counter. Most of the items are non-magical and worthless.
Some of them stand out to you.
The first one is [[a worn-looking scroll.|tedium_scroll]]You unroll the scroll. There's no writing on it, but it is, without a doubt, magical. You can't discern the specific nature of the magic, but you know it isn't dangerous.
"Where'd you find this?" you ask.
"I routinely partake in urban exploration. I find things often. Most of the time I sell them on the cybernet, but I've recently decided to branch out and support local businesses."
"Urban exploration?"
"Exploring abandoned buildings."
"Ah. And you take whatever you find?"
"...yes."
You nod and set the scroll aside.
The next item is [[a pair of pink and grey gloves.|tedium_gloves]]
The gloves are definitely magical. When you're certain their magic isn't harmful, you put them on. A relaxing numbness... no, tingling sensation spreads throughout your hands. It makes you itch.
You remove the gloves and set them aside. The itching disappears.
Neon sees you scratching your hands. "New users have a hard time wearing those."
"What are they?"
"They protect against the allure of lethal electricity."
"Oh. Rubber gloves, then."
She shakes her head. "No. The allure of lethal electricity."
"I don't follow."
She rummages through her coat and pulls out a metal rod of some kind. "What would happen if you stuck this in an electric outlet?"
"You'd probably die."
She hands the rod to you. "Do you want to do it?"
"Um. No."
She takes the rod back. "And if you wear those gloves, you never will."
The last item is [[a gold coin.|tedium_coin]]The coin isn't magical, but you set it aside anyway.
Neon looks surprised. "I thought you only purchased magical items."
"I just like gold."
"...ah."
You look at the two magical objects: the scroll and the gloves. You can probably offer her twenty mewbles for each one, and five mewbles for the coin.
[[Make the offer.|tedium_offer]]
Neon considers the offer. "We have a deal. But you missed an item. What can you give me for it?"
You look down at the counter. Sure enough, you did miss an item. You're not sure how you did, though. It's... it looks like a compact, but it isn't one.
[[You pick it up.|tedium_compact]]
It's heavy. Much too heavy for how small it is.
Neon stares at you as you inspect it. You pretend not to notice.
The device is utterly non-magical. It may be the most non-magical item you've ever encountered in your life. You're certain of it.
But...
"Nothing, then?"
Neon's voice startles you. You drop the device on the floor.
Your hands are trembling. They're sweaty. When did they get so sweaty?
"Sorry," you say, as you bend down to pick the device up. It feels much heavier than before. You almost can't lift it. But you do, and you put it on the counter.
Neon seems disappointed. She puts it and the other non-magical items back in her bag. "It's fine. It won't break."
"It won't? What is it?"
"Was it forty-five mewbles total for the three items? As per our agreement?"
You almost forgot about those. "Yeah."
You open the register, the normal, not-cursed-money way, and hand the money over.
"Come again!" you say as she leaves.
"I will."